In Russia we never have Thanksgiving because we never [get] to celebrate before. [Emily has written before about holidays in Russia her take and reality are interesting.] But reality, it’s make me so sad because we in Russia never thankful for a good people or bad people. [Emily views her mother from Russia as a bad person but she has learned to be thankful for her.] I do like Thanksgiving Holidays.
Sometimes it’s hard change leaves on the trees but I usually have bad behaviors. [Some very traumatic things happened to Emily when leaves were changing color on the trees. While she thinks that autumn is beautiful, it is a trigger for her with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.
I am grateful for my new Amarican family about they give me a nice life. But it is up to me to be good and be happy for my life. In my whole family we eat nice dinner and I like to spend time with my family because make me so happy about it. I [have] been thankful for adoption from my family and spend time all the time with my sisters and brothers. And we have nice food to eat and be together all the time.
My family important to me all the time and my family important that I can spend time on Thanksgiving and go home to visit my brothers and sisters when I am so good. [Once in a while Emily has behaviors that aren’t safe. Her being able to spend time with the family is based on the requirement that she has been having behaviors that allow for everyone’s safety.] My dad give for me chances and sometimes it’s OK get mad but it’s not OK when I am acting out. For me it’s hard to change my behaviors because I avoid something. [Emily’s therapists have discussed with her the possibility that sometimes she acts out and creates situations to avoid dealing with the feelings caused by traumatic events.]
But I like my life because my new Amarican family adopted me long time ago. But it’s hard leave my sister Lydia in Russia because she deserve it a good life like me. But for Lydia stay in Russia it’s good because she going to be so happy there all the time. [We have tried to help Emily to understand that Lydia was so damaged that she couldn’t understand family, moving to a new place where she didn’t understand a language (and couldn’t learn it), and where she wouldn’t know anyone or feel safe. Lydia panics and loses control when she feels unsafe, so we tried to help her sisters to understand that not only was it impossible for her to leave Russia and the institution that she was in, but that she would be happier, there.] Kids need help from government, adoption. [Emily often talks about the government and thanking them for taking care of her and others. It’s almost worshipful; very Soviet. It’s very apparent that these attitudes of mandatory appreciation for an all-powerful government that takes care of you because you can’t take care of yourself are deep-rooted in her belief system and have followed her from Russia to the United States.]
When trees change leaves on weather then sometimes it’s hard for me. Also I do not want to misbehave. Thank you to people who been helping me about my life. I been sending emails to Russia [details withheld by request of recipient of emails]. She talk to me and she ask me why I am so sad. And I told her that I want to go back to Russia because I think it’s hard make me happy in Amarica. But [in] reality I am happy. I am just saying that I want to go back to Russia but [in] reality I really do not want leave my family or my sisters or brothers behind because I care about them.
We play games and have nice dinner on Thanksgiving. We draw names for Christmas and we have so much fun with spent time with my sisters and brothers because I never avoid my family because I want my family to be happy always.
Sometimes weather, it’s hard to pay attention. [Because weather and season changes are triggers for Emily’s struggle with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, it’s difficult for her to focus on behaviors that make her most happy rather than thinking about terrible things that happened in the past.]
Again thanks to people who help us with opportunity get kids a life like family and support from families and be happy all the time. Government thank you for helping me and have for me a nice good life.
Everybody, HAPPY Thanksgiving.
[Emily has struggled for the past several weeks for a number of reasons. But it is always difficult for her when triggers like the season change to autumn, trigger her Post Traumatic Stress Disorder to come out in full. She is fine and appears to be doing better. Like so many who suffer from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and Reactive Attachment Disorder, it’s a journey of three-steps-forward and two-steps-back. It looks like we’re starting to move forward again. Emily and the rest of our family appreciate your support and hope that our sharing helps you to understand that there are difficulties in all families, but that we are fortunate to have our families to help us.]
Emily finds great strength in the support she receives from those who read her blog. Please scroll down and leave your comments.
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