[Several places in this article, Emily talks about herself and her mother from Russia in a way that makes it confusing to know who, exactly, she is talking about at any given point. As always, I’ll interject clarifying notes in the article, but I’ll also include a few comments at the end to tighten things up. So, if you’re a little confused about details, as you read, keep going. This article, as so many from Emily, is very enlightening when it comes to principles, ideas and subjects. The details that she often includes, in passing, are often fascinating, shocking and/or horrifying. Focus on the big picture as you read the article. We’ll clarify some details at the end.]
[In the] beginning my mom from Russia, nobody taught her how to be good mom. She been in orphiniges. When she had a kid, I was born first when she was nineteen. She became prostitute and she drank vodka and use drugs like marijuana.
In Russia, I am use drugs too with my friends.
If someone taught my mom from Russia how to be good mom, then she never put my sisters and brother to orphinige. [In actuality, the government removed the children from the home due to severe abuse and neglect.] In the orphinige, they so bad. [She means the orphanages are bad, not her siblings.] In the orphinige we watch pornography and that not OK.
[Emily had told many bad things about her orphanage when she came home. Those things were not consistent with what we saw in other Russian orphanages. But we were not allowed the same kind of access to Emily’s orphanage that we had in the others. Years after Emily came to the States, there were Russian news reports about her orphanage, verifying some of the things that Emily had claimed all along.]
My director, [name withheld] said that she shouldn’t go to Amarica because she make awful choices. She always do bad things. [The “she” in this paragraph is Emily. The director told us not to adopt Emily.]
If someone taught my mom to be good, nobody put my sisters or brothers in the orphiniges. I feel bad about her because she died and make me so sad.
[Name withheld], my director from orphinige, that I signed paper work about Maria (sister) and Vitale (brother) make sure they get adopted. It’s hard for me because sometimes I been thinking about her and make me so sad because of it. [Click here to read Emily’s article about when she was forced to divorce her siblings to clarify this paragraph.]
I never trust my mom [from Russia] because she hurt my sisters and brother. I know that she bad, my mom, but I can forgive her because she is person, also.
I want to help families that not have kids. [Emily sees that there are parents that don’t have children and children in places like orphanages, that don’t have families. By writing, she wants to help those parents to get children and to know how to help them.]
Now I am in the Amarica everybody teach me how to be a good mom. If I stay in Russia, I probably not be good and have [bad] life. Some people need [to] be helping me how make sure to be good and be happy all the time.
My mom in Russia she very bad and nobody taught how to be good all the time mom. [No one taught her mother how to be a good mother, all the time.] I know it is hard for me that people that need help. [It’s hard for Emily and other people like her and her mother from Russia, who need help.]
My mom in Russia, she not good with kids or people or friends. She damage my sister Lydia in hot stove and she went to hospital. She got so burn[ed] on the stove and make me so sad about it.
Nobody know how she died because I think somebody found her in the ground. [I’ll include a link at the end of the article that will clarify much of this article. There, you will also read about how we found out about the death of Emily’s mother from Russia. Emily saying that she thinks someone found her mother in the ground speaks volumes. We have always done as much as we can to provide our children with as much truthful history as we can about their past. We don’t always share everything we know at once. Therapists have helped us to understand that when a child is ready to hear, they will ask. So, we always gather as much information as we can, and share it when the individual child is ready to hear it. We do know that Emily’s mother from Russia died, but we don’t know how. Because Emily wants to know how, she has assumed that her mother died, was buried in an obscure place and that police, or someone else, found her body in a shallow grave. It is important for us to remember that when we don’t provide history, for any reason, we are not helping our adopted children. If we don’t give them the truth, they will fill in gaps with imagination.]
I think kids need adopted from orphinige but some governments say no. [Emily is referring to Russia’s ban on Russia to U.S. adoptions as well as other problems that delay or outlaw inter-country adoptions.] But I think they need families because [those] who not have families deserve [to] get adopted from families. Some government [say] that not OK to [be] adopted [and] go to be with families. [Emily is very aware that Russia and other countries still have adoption within their own countries. She has also “been there.” She knows that even with international adoption, that it wasn’t enough. Emily is against limiting adoption in any way except for ways that protect the safety of the child.]
I am glad that I got adopted and my sisters got adopted so we are happy about it.
[Name withheld] my director in my orphinige [location withheld] she thinks I should not get adopted. But I went to talk to judge and said I will love to get adopted. [At Emily’s adoption court, the judge asked her if it was her desire to be adopted and to live in the United States with our family. Emily said that is what she wanted.]
People don’t care in Russia how to teach my mom and taught how to be nice and be a good mom. [We need to remember that orphans do not usually live the “culture of their country.” Emily’s views of “Russia in General” are often wrong in speaking about Russia. But they are correct as to what happened to her, and what she saw while she was “in” Russia. Because that is all she saw, she believes that is all Russia is. Those who argue against international adoption based on the foundation that we are taking children away from their culture, err in what they say we take them from. The culture these children are removed from is not the culture that most of their countrymen experience. The culture we remove them from is an inferior culture that is experienced only by children who do not have families.]
I do love my Amarican family and my sisters and brothers. I never saw my sister, Maria or brother, Vitale [Emily means she has never seen them since they were separated in the orphanage and the two children were adopted by other families.] But someday I really want to see them.
My mom from Russia, she never happy. She always been sad. Nobody supporting my mom or give her education. [It’s interesting what Emily must consider to be included with her statement about “education” because she is very aware that her mother attended public schools.] Some people don’t give her a chance or how to learn to be a good mom.
We need help children have families and never give up on children. I [have] been thankful for my Amarican family that take me home to Amarica and be part of family.
I love my family in Russia but nobody taught good and be nice [and how to] be my mom.
Thanks to everybody that I come to Amarica. Never give up.
[It’s interesting how convoluted Emily’s writing gets when she talks about herself in the orphanage, and her mother in the orphanage. Really, up until the age of fifteen, they might have been two parallel lives! If we wonder about whether a specific detail happened to Emily or her first mother, we might well stop wondering and simply accept that this is what happens to children when they don’t have their own families to teach them. For a long time, I hated Emily’s first mother (whom I had never met) because of what her children suffered under her hand. At some point, I realized that by hating her, I was only hating what my daughter, Emily, would have become had she not been given family and a wonderful, evolving, team of people who support and help her. Emily says it again and again. Children need families. Children need support. Nowhere was this truth so needed, or so unfulfilled as it was with her mother from Russia. Nowhere is this truth more evident than it is in Emily’s life, that shows what might have happened, had anyone stepped forward to help her first mother a generation earlier. While I always try to include links that clarify and add to our blog articles, the links in this particular article will open up a whole new world when combined with this article. But the most important link in this article is the one I promised at the beginning. Here it is. http://johnmsimmons.com/better-off-without-international-adoption-not-hardly/ ]
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