Dear God! How do You expect us to survive these hardships, intact? What are You trying to do to us with RAD consequences?!
My New Grandson’s Growth Will Not Come Easy, Any More Than Mine Did
Of course we all know the RAD consequences that come into our homes when we choose to parent children who suffer from Reactive Attachment Disorder. The challenges placed as a wall in front of our families are Titanic. Progress for these children and even our understanding of how to help them is so slow that it takes special attention to even recognize progress. Innocent family members experience excruciating emotional and psychological pain. Unfairness abounds, whether it is handed out from the child with Reactive Attachment Disorder, or if it comes from damage to reputations when government entities mistakenly believe accusations from children who are trying to destroy a healthy relationship because they fear love. Happiness in our home wanes to the point where we need to re-define the word so that we can recognize that it still exists in our lives. Our families are scared. We go through terrifying circumstances where we might even fear for the lives of those whom we love. Sometimes it gets to the point where we feel like we can only trust ourselves. And then we make mistakes. Oh, how we make mistakes!!! The financial RAD consequences are paramount. Homes might be mortgaged or downsized to provide necessary care. I have seen families become financially poor at the hands of Reactive Disorder. We try to love; we are expected to love, even when the love we offer is rejected and shredded before our eyes. We invent new ways to love and to show love, hoping that a shred of it can survive the hands of a child who fears it like cancer. Dear God! How do You expect us to survive these hardships, intact? What are You trying to do to us!!!
I was overjoyed thinking that RAD consequences would not be the life of my second grandchild.
I thought about God a lot last week. That happens when a new baby comes into your family. My son and daughter-in-law were at the hospital last week when they were joined by the newest member of their little family, a second son whom they will call Daniel. I was on childcare duty the morning he was born (check out my personal Facebook wall to witness my hopeless battle) so I didn’t get to meet Daniel until that evening when I took his two-year-old brother to meet him. As I held Daniel for the first time, I thought about all of the bad in the world. I thought about RAD consequences and how happy I was that he would be raised in a home where the conditions that cause Reactive Attachment Disorder would be non-existent. I was so happy that he would experience great love and that he would always know that he was wanted. I was overjoyed that RAD consequences would not be the life of my second grandchild.
As I considered the experience with my new grandson for the next few days, my mind opened to the world of RAD consequences.
My heart asked God for some things for my new grandson. I asked for Him to make Daniel strong, patient, compassionate, empathetic, happy, brave, self-reliant, wise, generous, and that he would give him great capacity to love. Then a thought entered my mind that seemed to ask if I would approve the methods through which these gifts would be given. Without consideration, I thought that I would. As I pondered the experience with my new grandson for the next few days, my mind opened to the world of RAD consequences.
God used RAD consequences to teach me the very same things I asked him to teach my new grandson.
God taught me strength by putting me in RAD consequences, where I would need to exercise every part of my mind constantly in order to keep my family safe and together. He taught me patience by letting me experience the glacial pace of RAD progress. I learned compassion for others as I experienced excruciating pain caused by Reactive Attachment Disorder and I realized that I would truly not wish such pain on an enemy. Because I experienced unfairness at the hands of government entities which refused to keep the law in providing the care that my daughter needed; and even threatened to take away my other children if I pressed the issue, I learned to be empathetic towards others and understand that their situations might not be as they appeared to be from my position. God even used RAD consequences to teach me happiness because I had to look for it desperately when Reactive Attachment Disorder was at its worst. The terror that I and my other family members experienced when we truly considered that RAD consequences might actually take the lives of family members, taught us bravery beyond measure. We stared death in the face and we refused to let fear ruin us, even though it changed us forever. When some friends failed us, when some members in congregations turned against us, when we felt that we could only trust ourselves, we learned to be self-reliant. With every RAD mistake we made, we learned. We became wiser and wiser. And having experienced poorness at difficult times in my life, I learned to be generous when I ceased to be poor. And if Daniel struggles with love, RAD consequences have taught me a million ways to teach him about love. God used RAD consequences to teach me the very same things I asked him to give to my new grandson.
Sometimes, these gifts from God come because of RAD consequences.
That isn’t to say that Reactive Attachment Disorder will play a part in the life of my new grandson. I hope it doesn’t. But his growth and learning will not come easy, any more than mine did. It will not come easy any more than yours does. And we do not experience these overwhelming difficulties because God has forgotten us. It happens because he loves us enough to build us up and to give us everything that our parents and grandparents asked him to give us. Sometimes, these gifts from God come because of RAD consequences.
Which reminds me… I might have a bone to pick with my grandpa when I meet him on the other side. Just as Daniel will probably have a bone to pick with me.
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