Reactive Attachment Disorder makes me a lot of things. But on weeks like last week, RAD makes me sad.
I Often Use Anger to Protect My Feelings. That Doesn’t Mean I’m Not Sad.
Reactive Attachment Disorder makes me a lot of things. The therapist who helps my family would coax me to remember that I choose how I allow this disorder to affect my feelings, but today I am looking to blame RAD rather than accept responsibility. I think we all need to allow ourselves that occasionally, while still taking precautions to make sure it doesn’t become a habit. Reactive Attachment Disorder makes me angry. Reactive Attachment Disorder makes me frustrated. Reactive Attachment Disorder makes me tired. (Now there’s one I don’t get to choose!) Reactive Attachment Disorder makes me confused. Reactive Attachment Disorder makes me anxious. But mostly… RAD makes me sad.
A fear of love is why RAD makes me sad for my children.
I think that all of those other negative feelings are what make me the saddest. I feel like Reactive Attachment Disorder has robbed a lot of good things from my family; from me, from my marriage, from my children who suffer from the disorder and especially from those who do not. What a ruthless condition it is… to make a child feel fear when they start to feel loved; to become terrified when they begin to experience feeling love for another! A fear of love is why RAD makes me sad for my children.
RAD makes me sad when I see the failure of otherwise healthy families and marriages.
I am sad as I hear of families where one of the parents simply doesn’t have the strength that the other possesses and feels like there is no choice but to move on. They leave someone they had promised not to leave, for better or worse, whether richer or poorer, or in sickness or health. But no one imagined the depth of “worse” when it came to Reactive Attachment Disorder; no one could have believed what “sickness” entailed when it involved a child with RAD. My heart breaks for the former spouse who had more than they could handle before the loss of their best friend and support, and who is now crushed by the weight of what is left to her (or less often, him), alone. But also, I ache for the other member of the former marriage, who was shattered by Reactive Attachment Disorder and is now riddled with guilt. RAD makes me sad when I see the failure of otherwise healthy families and marriages.
RAD makes me sad when I see grandparents, brothers and sisters, or aunts and uncles raising children with Reactive Attachment Disorder.
I see the best in humanity when extended family runs into the burning building of Reactive Attachment Disorder, with no thought for their own safety or well-being. These people know that it is possible that there will be no salvation, even after their efforts. But they have clear understanding that all will be lost without their sacrifice. It’s relatively easy to give up your life and wellbeing for the life or wellbeing of someone you love with your whole heart. But it takes God-like love to give up life and wellbeing for a chance to help someone else. Even though I know I am seeing the best that this world has to show, RAD makes me sad when I see grandparents, brothers and sisters, or aunts and uncles raising children with Reactive Attachment Disorder.
When I hear of peace that can only be reached in another life, RAD makes me sad.
Last week RAD didn’t just make me sad. It made me cry. To be honest (and my cowboy hat, boots, lifted pickup and all my guns scream for me not to reveal this…) RAD makes me cry quite often. But last week was different. One of the regular contributors to the comments section of my blog and Facebook page sent me a private message to let me know that sadly, their struggle with Reactive Attachment Disorder was over. Her son had died in an accident. My friend spoke with great faith about how now, her son would be whole; he could feel and experience love, in Heaven. Then she told me how the family found peace in ensuring that the prayers of others were answered. Organs were donated to save lives that would not have gone on otherwise. When I hear of peace that can only be reached in another life, RAD makes me sad.
Even so, we have reason to hope. We have cause to be optimistic. Because Reactive Attachment Disorder has shown us how bad life can be when we live in a paradox where love is not compatible with peace, we can’t take that combination for granted. Some of our children will find it in this life. But I believe that all of them will eventually feel it. Whether in this life or another one, a day will come when our children no longer suffer from Reactive Attachment Disorder. As they experience peace with the Perfect Father, they will finally be able to feel true and perfect love without being afraid. And then they will love us, too.
Please don’t feel like you need to ask, to share. 🙂 Few things make me happier than your belief that my writings might help someone else. I love to see the likes, the comments, and especially, the shares. 🙂 Oh, and in case you’re interested, I almost always accept Friend Requests from other RAD Parents. Due to the way Facebook and the blog are set up, in the blog, on comments, I can tag you in them if we’re friends, but the program won’t let me tag you if we’re not. Here’s the link to my personal page: https://www.facebook.com/john.m.simmons2
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