If we do all the right things, our children will get better (than they are). But they might never “get better.” And that is RAD reality.
The Realist is the Only One Concerned About What’s in the Half-Full Glass.
I don’t remember how young I was when I learned about how I should be an optimist and see the glass half-full. No one wanted to be around a negative pessimist who could only look at a glass as half-empty. In reality, neither personality ever worked for me. Half-empty? Half-full? Wait a minute… What’s in the glass? Depending on what’s in it, I might want it to be ALL-empty! My wife hates that I think like that. She’s the perpetual optimist. She actually wears a necklace with a tiny kaleidoscope so she can remember to see the beauty in every day. Really, I love her optimism, even though I don’t understand it. For my wife, it’s not about the nail. For me, it is. If you didn’t understand those last two sentences, you really need to click on this link before continuing. So you get it, right? I want to fix things. My wife wants me to listen. Forget RAD reality.
The Dr. was telling me that the glass was 100% full of reality: RAD reality.
As I began to try to “fix” my children, I read everything I could get my hands on. I was quite frustrated with some of the things that I read that were supposed to help. Common sense said that some of the popular theories were wrong. At one point, I finally found a professional whom I felt understood what I was faced with. In his book, Adopting the Hurt Child, Greg Keck said something that caught my attention. I’ll paraphrase what I took from it by saying that if I did the right things, my daughter would get better (than she was), but she might never “get better.” I had read so much about what exactly to do to fix her, and nothing had been a cure. Over the years I would learn a lot from Dr. Keck, but the reason I listened was because he wasn’t telling me the glass was half-full or half-empty. The Dr. was telling me that the glass was 100% full of reality: RAD reality.
I love the optimism. I also love that the optimism allows for RAD reality.
The personality of a realist has suited me well as we travel along our RAD journey. So has my wife’s optimism. I think they work well together because I’m not a pessimist who calls himself a realist. I like to think of myself as a “hopeful” realist. That is the reason my blog is (for the most part) upbeat. I like to look at my wife’s optimism and then try to plan a way to get to what she envisions. I realize that we might not get all the way there, but we can be happier and have more successful families if we try. In the comments from my blog last week, Rebecca Marchino mentioned how much she liked this group (the commenters on my Facebook page and blog) because unlike some other groups she had been involved with, this one had an “uplifting nature.” She continued by saying, “It’s tough… we all get that… but our kids are not 100% bad! If we can take the little things and build on them as positives…it’s amazing how much better our outlook becomes.” But Rebecca is an optimist, like my wife. I know that because this is what she said next: “Hence my ‘happy dance’ with 6 months injury-free… lol.” Now, THAT’S looking at the glass half-full! I love the optimism. I also love that the optimism allows for RAD reality.
We get to have our bad days. Because of RAD reality, that won’t change.
I couldn’t have said it better myself. We can take the little things and build on them as positives. Of course we all have bad days. Recently I even posted an article that bordered on ranting. We get to have our bad days. Because of RAD reality, that won’t change. We even get to complain. But the more we can try to see the good, the happier we will be. We can’t all be optimists like Amy and Rebecca. But we don’t need to be pessimists, either. Like Rebecca said, “It’s tough. We all get that.” And so it is. But we can look at RAD reality with a positive slant if we set our minds to it.
Please don’t feel like you need to ask, to share. 🙂 Few things make me happier than your belief that my writings might help someone else. I love to see the likes, the comments, and especially, the shares. 🙂 Oh, and in case you’re interested, I almost always accept Friend Requests from other RAD Parents. Due to the way Facebook and the blog are set up, in the blog, on comments, I can tag you in them if we’re friends, but the program won’t let me tag you if we’re not. Here’s the link to my personal page: https://www.facebook.com/john.m.simmons2
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