I run away from orphinige and I have big consequences. I broke window and I was going to run away to Natasha, my friend and stay with her. [Natasha was a “Home Girl” which means that her parents couldn’t afford to keep her at home, so they sent her to the orphanage during the week. Then she would usually spend weekends and holidays at home. Once in a while, Natasha’s parents allowed her to bring Emily home for a night or two over a weekend. Apparently, the running away to Natasha’s house would have been on a weekend when Natasha went home without Emily. Emily actually blogged about Natasha in an earlier entry.]
Kids from orphinige think I am so crazy. I feel that I am so angry and upset when people from orphinige give me consequences. I did so many bad choices in Russia, like I threaten people with knives. And one boy hit me with a rock in the head and I got really scared. Also I was crying about it. I run away because I think people give me whatever it takes. [I’m unclear about what this means.] I know that I ran away because I am so mad and angry and don’t care about my life. I know that if I ran away something [bad] going to happen to me. I was making lots bad choices. I help my friend Natasha and she help me.
When I run away, I ran with my friends and I was smoking with my friends and do bad stuff with them. And when I come to Amarica, I stop smoking but one time I did it in school. Since then I never smoke. I did run away because I want negative attention. I feel so mad about run away and also sometimes I [was] careless.
One time we run away and I went to the broken train and it stinks and everywhere is garbage. And there have bad bedrooms, like dirty. We ask for food and sometimes we eat dogs, cooked pigs and owse.
[Okay, I had to stop here. Emily sends me pictures of pages that she writes by hand every week and then I type them and enter them into her blog. I needed some clarification for that last paragraph. I called Emily and she told me that sometimes she and a friend or two would run away to a place that had a few broken boxcars. A dozen or so people of various ages lived there in a hobo village. The boxcars were used as bedrooms and were filled with garbage. She said that the people there stole pigs or caught dogs and cooked them in a big pan on a fire. She said that they once found a dead owl and cleaned, cooked at ate that. Wow. People tell Emily that she is lucky and that she should be thankful for her life, now. I’ll tell you who’s lucky and who should be thankful. It’s people like us, who never had to live like that. Of course, Emily was there by choice, after running from the orphanage. But places like the hobo village are where these kids often end up when they age out of the system at about sixteen.]
If I chose how supposed to be my life, it going to be easy. But my mom, Oksana never teach me anything. But orphinige give me like consequences like clean toilets and pick up potatoes in the ground [gleaning potatoes after local fields had been harvested]. I did run away because I thought I just get freedom. In the orphinige, people don’t care if I run away. But make me so upset and angry or mad.
I will love to be happy for whole my life. In the Amarica, I do run away, too, sometimes. [People here do care if Emily runs. The longest she has ever been away was the first time she ran away when she lived at home with us. She was gone for a few hours before she was caught and brought back. Since then, because of her history and because of her tendency to run when she is frustrated, she has never gotten much out of eye sight before someone brings her back and helps her to deal with her problems in a more constructive way.] People in Amarica trying to help me over and over. In the orphinige I run away lots [of] times and I get big consequences like scrub floors and also walls and I get so tired all the time. I knew that I run away but I keep run away almost every day.
But I like help people like with my support and also freedom. [Emily has been working hard and will soon be able to have a part time job where she can earn some spending money and have more freedom.] I hate to be every time run away and get mad at people.
I know I run away it’s my fault that I run away all the time because I get punished every time from people. Sometimes they hit me with stick. [Emily is now referring to punishments she received for running away from the orphanage in Russia.] I love my family in the Amarica because they are give me support all the time.
In the past I used to run away all the time from orphinge and I went to my friend Natasha (home) and sometimes she don’t want me to stay and I get really mad at her about it because I don’t care less if I get consequences or get punished. [Natasha’s parents were so poor that they couldn’t even keep their daughter at home during the week. Obviously, it was a burden to them every time Emily visited and it would have been impossible for them to have her every weekend. Still, Emily longed to be a part of their family. Can you imagine the difficulty from either position?]
Now I do care punished or consequences. I do care about people who give me life, like Heavenly Father and my support. Make me sad when I run away and I get so mad about it. It’s not right to get mad and get more mad at people who try helping us. I know that I hate to run away but I can fix it all the time and forever.
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