When I was in Russian orphanage, I never keep rules because the rules were unjust. The orphanage [staff visitors and residents] engage in all manner of abusive behavior. I was really scared because of it. Because in the orphanage the rules were unjust, so I began understand that all rules are unjust.
Coming to America I [was] put [in a] loving home. I still misunderstood that rules could be just. Sometimes I get mad at my American parents. And sometimes I wouldn’t accept their help and love and I tell [told] them go away (my American parents). My old [Russian] parent don’t love me. The rules evil. So, come to America I believed that all rules were evil. When my American parents give me rules I became angry. Because to me, all rules are evil, it took a lot time and patience before I understood the rules could be made through love.
Orphanage very abusive. My life it’s now amazing. Before it is not good because people in orphanage [were] hurting me before and I got so scared of it. When I am in the orphanage nobody teach me how to be respectful and loving to others.
I want children get families because they need loving homes. I also want parents be patient with children, who might not understand that love is different from evil.
Sometimes I feel sad and angry because parents need loving children like homes (sic). My American parents are amazing. My family helping for long time to me.
We need help to children, make sure they have in the world families.
It is our purpose to use Emily’s blog articles to help people understand the point of view that comes from children of her background. We also want people to see that the culture these children come from is not representative of their original country culture, but an alternative culture that exists in trauma-inducing families and institutions. Lastly, we want people to understand the level of understanding, education and intellect that many of these children have when they age out of “systems” and onto life on the streets. These feelings and opinions are Emily’s (unvarnished). From time to time she is assisted with English. While we try to preserve her grammar and speech whenever possible, sometimes there are minor modifications made to improve clarity. It should be understood that Emily was in an orphanage designated for troubled children and that her orphanage experience was not typical for a Russian orphanage. Words in brackets are inserted for grammatical clarity, to add understanding or to correct. Words in parenthesis are as Emily wrote them, with parenthesis.
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