RAD food in America meant that you would never go hungry! It also meant something I hadn’t anticipated.

RAD Food. It’s Always a Big Deal.

Amy and I did all of the reading before we went to Russia to adopt. While I didn’t agree with everything our adoption agency did, I have to say that their book reading assignments had us well prepared as to the things we might see when adopting children who came from traumatic histories. The books we studied didn’t get into the nitty-gritty of treatment, but we understood enough to recognize symptoms reasonably early. (Thank goodness we didn’t recognize things like Reactive Attachment Disorder, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, and Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorder when we were still in Russia.) I come from an engineering background, where it was my job to try to figure out problems and their solutions. I thought I was pretty smart; especially when it came to RAD food.

Right in the middle of the first soft book was my “solution” to RAD food. There was a picture of a fruit basket with more fruits than could even be imagined by a Russian orphan.

It was almost a given that our children who came from orphanages would have experienced serious hunger, if not starvation. When we read about food hoarding, I smiled, shrugged my shoulders and told Amy, “That’s easy.” At the time, Russia required two visits by prospective parents, one to meet the children, and the next to finalize the adoption. Amy had a brilliant idea to help our children during the time in between. She made “soft books.” You know the cloth books people use to keep their toddlers busy in places where they should be quiet (e.g. church)? Yeah, they were like that, but instead of having shoe laces to tie, or cloth fish with Velcro backs to put in a picture of a fish bowl, these books had iron-on photos of every room in our house, plus several pictures of each family member, including pets (yes, even horses). Amy had the words translated into Russian, so these books were in English and Russian. The orphanage workers would help our kids to prepare for their new home by reading the Russian words, and later, we could read the English words to help them to learn the new language. And… the books were cloth. They wouldn’t rip. If they got dirty, they could be washed. Right in the middle of the first soft book was my “solution” to RAD food. There was a picture of a fruit basket with more fruits than could even be imagined by a Russian orphan. The Russian and English words on the page said that there was a fruit basket in our kitchen and people could eat the fruit any time they wanted. My logic was sound. If there was always food in the basket, there was always food in the house. So much for a need to hoard food!

The books worked like magic. Except for my brilliant creation to address RAD food.

The kids loved the soft books. So did the workers at the orphanages. In fact, when we went back, the books were “lost.” When we produced new copies with new pages added, showing additional pages for our new children, tying them to the family, we were able to swap them for the originals that were found by “miracle” so that our kids would always have their original soft books. We made copies of the new ones, with their pictures when we got home. The books worked like magic. Except for my brilliant creation to address RAD food.

RAD food in America meant that you would never go hungry! It also meant something I hadn’t anticipated.

Sarah was five when she joined our family and she arrived at the house after midnight the first night, after very long flights and a two-hour drive home from the airport. After having her face energetically licked by the dog before entering the house, one of the first things she checked was the fruit basket. It was just like the picture in the book. RAD food in America meant that you would never go hungry! It also meant something I hadn’t anticipated.

RAD food didn’t need to be favorite food to prove that there was always something for a next meal.

“Sadah no lyek dees. Sadah eet appole.” Then the little brat got down from the table and grabbed an apple from the fruit basket. “You told her she could eat from the fruit basket any time she wanted…” Amy laughed. I told Amy that wasn’t what I meant and she just laughed harder. “You can’t destroy the trust,” my wife warned me. I didn’t care. I’d be a liar; but I wasn’t going to let a five-year-old play me like that. Amy was only able to stop me from breaking my promise by convincing me that she had a plan to fix my mistake. Over the next few days, apples, oranges, bananas, pears, plumbs, nectarines and peaches were slowly replaced with zucchini and onions. Little “Sadah” preferred what her mother fixed for meals to raw zucchini and onions. Yet the food remained in the basket as a witness that there was always food in the house. RAD food didn’t need to be favorite food to prove that there was always something for a next meal. I thought between my know-it-all attempt and my wife’s brilliant save, that we would avoid food hoarding. Nope.

I became convinced that problems with RAD food weren’t always about hunger or security.

Just like you, we found the rotting stashes. Just like you, it didn’t matter if she gorged herself. We always found food hidden away, or at least the evidence of cans, boxes and wrappers. She would beg food from friends and teachers. She’d steal it from wherever. Then she would hide it. I became convinced that problems with RAD food weren’t always about hunger or security. I once wrote about RAD stealing and I’m quite confident that many of the problems we see in food hoarding have to do with addressing the underlying reasons for stealing as much as food issues. Click on the link and take a look at the article. I’m sure you’ll agree.

Though I have no affiliation with Dr. Purvis or the university, that’s where I’m going to point you to get help with RAD food and hoarding.

Still, food hoarding does have its roots in the past, where at some point the child was in danger from not having enough to eat. That is the place we need to start and where our efforts focus. You have heard me sing praises to Karyn Purvis and the folks at Texas Christian University for the methods that they teach to help children from hard places. Though I have no affiliation with Dr. Purvis or the university, that’s where I’m going to point you to get help with RAD food and hoarding. Dr. Purvis famously says, “We never let food be an issue.” Yeah, Doc. Easier said than done. Even so, she has some great ideas. During one of her videos, a child is melting down. As she is holding and trying to control the raging beast, she asks if he is thirsty… if he would like a lemon aid. The child immediately calmed. The wise doctor quickly ordered someone to find a dollar and bring them back a lemon aid. Then she looked calmly into the child’s eyes and spoke softly and lovingly until the lemon aid showed up and put the finishing touches on calming the hurricane. I know you’re tired of hearing me say it. I know that you can’t bear to read one more book, watch one more video, or listen to one more speech about miracle cures. I won’t lie to you. These videos won’t solve all your problems. But they will help you more than anything else you have ever tried. Here’s the link: http://child.tcu.edu/store/healing-families-dvds/

Whenever this millionaire feels anxious, he can reach up, feel the candy bar in his pocket, and know that he has food if he needs it. I think my children, who have so many issues with RAD food would be able to relate.

Dr. Purvis uses an example that I loved. She talks about a very successful CEO who is worth millions. I guess it was a rags-to-riches situation and the man who is now very wealthy, came from a childhood where he was often starving. Even now, many decades later, this man of means and power always carries a candy bar in the breast pocket of his jacket. He claims that without it, he is a nervous wreck. Whenever this millionaire feels anxious, he can reach up, feel the candy bar in his pocket, and know that he has food if he needs it. I think my children, who have so many issues with RAD food would be able to relate. Dr. Purvis has lots of ideas, including common sense stuff that people like me always miss. She teaches that when a child asks for food while a parent is in the middle of preparing dinner, we can do much better than turning them away to have a melt-down or, giving in and ruining their dinner with food. Dr. Purvis would give the child a granola bar on the condition that they keep it in their pocket until after dinner. Now… how smart is that?

As I went to post the link for the DVDs I saw that TCU has completely revamped their web site. I LOVE IT! Even if you have spent time there, before, GO BACK! Here’s the link to the home page: http://child.tcu.edu/ There are lots of resources, free videos and even links to Empowered to Connect, which has been great at getting these tools out to the public. I know what I’m doing this weekend!

Often, readers receive as much help from other readers in the comments section as they do from the blog article, itself. Please be generous with your thoughts and experiences in the comments section. There are lots of people who need what you have to share. This is your chance to help them.

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