One of the truths I have learned in studying RAD wars is that we must give up many of our todays in a hope that our children may have some happy tomorrows.

Alas… We Must Study War.

“I must study Politics and War that my sons may have liberty to study Mathematics and Philosophy. My sons ought to study Mathematics and Philosophy, Geography, natural History, Naval Architecture, navigation, Commerce and Agriculture, in order to give their Children a right to study Painting, Poetry, Music, Architecture, Statuary, Tapestry and Porcelain.” Those wise words were conveyed from John Adams to his wife, Abigail in a letter from France in May of 1780, while John was away and working to gain support for his fledgling country. I have found myself feeling that way, though the wars I study are different from those studied by my favorite founding father. I study RAD wars because I have children who are the victims of a terrible mental illness called Reactive Attachment Disorder.

One of the truths I have learned in studying RAD wars is that we must give up many of our todays in a hope that our children may have some happy tomorrows.

We who live in the United States honor our founding fathers and mothers for the sacrifices they made in developing this country. They had grand and far reaching dreams but I’m confident that their goals were far surpassed when the government that they created was used as a template for freedom and fairness that would go throughout the world. While we revere these great leaders, I fear we haven’t learned enough from them. You see, in those times, those people gave up their “present” to give a gift of “future” to their posterity. In today’s world of two-minute happiness served in white bags over counters and under golden arches, “multiple generations” is far too long to wait for success. But if it really is too long to wait, then success (at least in its entirety) will never come. One of the truths I have learned in studying RAD wars is that we must give up many of our todays in a hope that our children of Reactive Attachment Disorder may have some happy tomorrows. We hope that the happy tomorrows, experienced by our children, might bring happy lives to our grandchildren.

All of our family members have been injured in RAD wars.

I know plenty of people who fault me for “bringing those problems into our home.” To them, I had a responsibility to my biological children, to shield and protect them from every evil and to never allow them to experience any pain that might have been avoided. I used to face such people with hostility for their “holier than thou” attitudes. Now I simply look with pity on their “Brady Bunch” naïveté. To me, there is no better place to work out problems of past trauma than within the confines of a stable home where those who are stronger are able to sacrifice and help those who received unfair and overwhelming beginnings. To me, that’s what homes are for. All of our family members have been injured in RAD wars. These wars are not against individuals, but against a particular form of mental illness. There were times when safety mandated distance between some family members who suffered from Reactive Attachment Disorder. But the pain and suffering that all members of our family suffered caused us to learn, to develop, and to grow back stronger. Though it was difficult to understand it at the time, RAD wars have built our family and in the end, have made all of us better.

Experiencing difficulty is the only way that our posterity can achieve greatness. Will we hold such greatness from them? Will we walk away from RAD wars?

If we truly want our children and grandchildren to be what their forefathers were, then we must expect them to do what their forefathers did. As our ancestors tried to protect their children, we must try to protect ours. Even so, in following the examples of successful generations, we must allow our children experiences that will teach them to weather tempests. Experiencing difficulty is the only way that our posterity can achieve greatness. Will we hold such greatness from them? Will we walk away from RAD wars? Will we stop studying and working toward what helps our children, no matter how slow the progress or painful the journey? Not I.

I will study RAD wars, hoping that my children will be able to study how to raise their children with only traces of, and in spite of their own traumatic beginnings. In so doing, I hope that my grandchildren will be able to study how to raise their children only with peace, love and compassion. I will give away many of my todays, in order to purchase their tomorrows.

Often, readers receive as much help from other readers in the comments section as they do from the blog article, itself. Please be generous with your thoughts and experiences in the comments section. There are lots of people who need what you have to share. This is your chance to help them.

Read more blog articles by John M. Simmons about Disorders/Mental Illness

Return to John M. Simmons’ Blog

Ensure you don’t miss anything when you sign up for notification